I cannot believe I met a massage I did not like…

August 25, 2009

I really thought I was going into labor today.   I mean honestly, how much more swollen can a pregnant girl get without bursting at the seams? I feel like I am going to pop!

Look at those swollen fingers!

Look at those swollen fingers!

Seriously though, all of the labor signs seemed to be occurring just like “What to Expecting When You Are Expecting” said.  My contractions were much stronger than they have been in the past and were growing stronger still, and they were pretty consistent too, showing up once every five to seven minutes for a couple of hours. This is labor, right?

As first time parents, we were so giddy we could bust.  Russ was so cute with his iPhone in one hand and his finger ready to hit the “Lap” button in the stop watch program the instant I had my next contraction. 🙂

As Russ and I left for our ultrasound and 39 week doctor’s visit we were a bit giddy with anticipation and trepidation due to the news Jellybean was an Amazon sized watermelon.

I thought, okay, this is it! Finally! Yippee!  I am going to be a mommy today!

So, with what I knew were labor pains going on I was actually looking forward to that fun little cervical exam.  To say I was slightly disappointed when I learned my cervix was still closed would be an understatement.  Not only would I have preferred for Jellybean to make her debut at 8.5 pounds instead of 9.5 pounds, I was really excited thinking this was the day I was going to become a mother!

Alas, it seems I was just experiencing some very strong Braxton Hicks contractions and I was destined to swell another day.

So when the doctor suggested a “cervical massage” I was quite intrigued.  Anyone that knows me knows I love a good massage and this was something I had not experienced before.  Dr. Williams went on to explain that a “cervical massage” was just that, massaging the cervix directly.  She said the massage helps “prime” the cervix and hasten the dilation and labor process.  Woo hoo! I excitedly agreed.  Anything to help move things along seemed like a good idea to me and besides, I have a personal policy against turning down massages generally.

Oh my gosh!  OUCH!  YIKES!  Eeeeoooowwww!

Forget trigger point, rolfing, and even TMJ massage treatments, I have now experienced the most painful “massage” of my life.  I do not think I was able to make it for an entire minute (Russ says it was more like five seconds) before I begged for mercy.  It turns out “cervical massage” is a kinder, gentler term for “stripping away the membranes” – something I would have never agreed to or at least not so eagerly.

On a positive note however, she did let me know she was able to strip away some old scar tissue and suggested it would be helpful in bringing on labor.

No labor yet but I will keep you posted!

Today’s mantra:  Let God handle it, do not try to drive the bus.  Let’s say that three times together!

Let God handle it, do not try to drive the bus.
Let God handle it, do not try to drive the bus.
Let God handle it, do not try to drive the bus.

Sometimes it is so hard being a control freak!

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